Kevin (notlobot) wrote in ehnanowrimo2005,

Alright, so I'm writing a western novel and my main character is a vigilante gunslinger. I intended for him to be a rather serious character, but the dialogue I have been writing for him and every other character makes them sound like immature wackos. Here is an example:

“We aren’t here to talk, we’re here to kill you,” responded the brother.
“I know that. Personally I think I’m going to kill you. So there.”
“We’ll see about that.”
“’We’? Are you saying that more than one of you will be fighting?”
“Well, no, I mean I’ll see about that. Shut up.”
“No, no, you totally said We. I think you’re going to cheat.”
“We wouldn’t cheat. That’s what drunken murders like you do.”
“Well, if you killed me, wouldn’t that make you a murderer?”
“Us killing you would be justified and not murder. It would benefit society.”
“Again, with the plural you killing me. Also, I think that all of the killing I do is justified, so I’m not a murderer either. So ha.”
“Would you just shut up, so we can kill you.”
“No, I won’t let you (plural) kill me. I will let you (singular) try to kill me though.”
“Shut. Up.”
“Goddamn it. I’ll kill you.”
“I would just like to say that this is the most absurd conversation I have ever had before a fight.”
“Same for me.”
“Well at least we can admit it.”
“I guess.”

I think it is pretty funny though. I laughed while writing it. Do you think it is funny, or just stupid?
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Wow. I thought it was kinda funny. Maybe if you take out the 'so there,' and 'so hah' then it would be a bit more serious. That, and kill the last four lines.
If you make the vigalante more of a wiseass, then this would fit.
I think that I'm going to leave it how it is, and just go with it. It is easier to write the character as he is flowing out naturally. Plus I have given myself a zero backspacing policy with the only exception being typos and 100% not possible to finish sentances.
I absoltely love it.
Sounds like a couple of kids fighting.
haha awesome. good luck with the western, i hope you finish, i'd love to read it.